This is an excerpt from my journal on the evening of 9/20/18. There is some ugly, raw truth in here that I am not necessarily proud of, but I felt the Lord leading me to post.
Today I met the wisest 12 year old along the side of the road. She spoke phenomenal English. After exchanging names, (her name is Su-Tee & that is the best way I could think to spell it) the first question she asked me was “Why do you love God?”
First off….what twelve year old asks this?? Second….my mind went completely blank (I know. Way to go. The missionary can’t even answer one of the simplest questions). After a minute of thinking, I finally responded with “I love God because everything He does is good. Even when I don’t understand, His will is still perfect and good.” Lord please let these words somehow speak truth over her life. Su-Tee then told me that she loves God because: He is the one and only God, He is powerful, and He cares about her. She told me that she is the only Christian in her family. *heart shattered* How can a 12 year old be so strong?? She told me that it is hard, but she is happy because of God. And when she is sad, God tells her that she is His child and He is with her. I asked if she had any siblings. She preceded to tell me that she has one little brother who is 3 years old and one little sister who is 8 years old. She told me that her sister will sometimes pray to God, but also pray to other gods. I encouraged her to reach out to her younger sister and teach her more about Christ. I can’t help but to think of Addy at home and how much I love her. Su-Tee continued to tell me that her friends call her ‘dumb’ for being a Christian. The strength of this young woman. The wisdom. Jesus tells us to be like little children – and trust me, if only we were all like this one.
I felt the Holy Spirit tell me to pray over her and her family. But I didn’t do it. I was too scared. Scared of what? Someone’s opinion of me?? My flesh is so weak.
I read this morning about how God still promised to make Abraham a great nation EVEN AFTER he conceived a child with Hagar (his wife’s servant). I know what I should have done and I am sorry. Please give me another opportunity to pray for someone. Give me the strength to step out of my comfort zone. Let your glory shine through my failure.
Lord I lift up this beautiful young lady to you. My heart breaks for her. She is wise beyond her years and her love for you is so evident. Bless her. Continue to pour your love all over her. When life is hard and she feels sad or overwhelmed – whisper your promises in her ear. Remind her that she is loved, and she is not alone. Use her to reach her family. Let them come to know you through her faithfulness. I don’t know why I was born into a Christian family that provided me with everything I could possibly want or need, and Su-Tee was born in Battambang, Cambodia. But I trust you. I praise you for Ezra Ministries and how they are effecting the lives of so many children. Thank you for bringing this girl into my life, even if it was just for a 15 minute conversation along the side of the road. You are so so good.
I encourage everyone who reads this to pray for Su-Tee. Lift this young woman of God up in your prayers. Pray that the Lord will give her strength, continue to teach her, and that her family will come to know the Lord as their Savior.
Sweet girl, so beautiful are the words of your heart. I have been there too. I know and do not do what I should. Paul said the things I want to do I do not, Romans 7:19-25. God is truly making a master piece of you sweet girl. I love you so much!! Always in my prayers.
Don’t be discouraged, we’ve been praying for opportunities to open up and I can’t help but feel that with this being your first one God provided a fellow Christian that needed encouragement. He’s preparing you for the non Christian and now that you’re more aware you’ll be ready for them…. you are loved beyond words and prayed over daily by so many. God will work through you, just be a willing vessel ?
Gracie, I wish I could say that I have always followed what God has put on my heart to do, but I haven’t. I know he is with you, loves you, and is preparing you for another opportunity to share. You are where you are due to following HIM. Praying for you daily.
Sweetie, I have only met you a few times but I sure know your momma and daddy well. You have a heart for others and you are where God has placed you at this moment in time. Don’t beat yourself up over this but continue doing as you are and allow the Holy Spirit to lead and guide you. I will be looking forward to your posts! See sweetie, what you don’t understand is I know beyond any doubt that God is not only going to use you to witness to others on your journey, but to witness, encourage and lead us back home as well. So excited to see where God is going to lead you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Gracie, this is a new experience for you. This is one of the reasons you are where you are now, to learn how to react in situations. Don’t get down. God put that little girl with you for a reason. Maybe, He will again and you can pray with her. Remember, you are there learning all about witnessing and about missions. Everyday is a new experience you can grow in. Next time you get tongue tied, whisper a little prayer and let God lead. We couldn’t be more proud of you!
Gracie, this is so beautiful…a 12 year old put in your path to encourage and show you God’s strength in her life! Thanks for sharing this also because there is surely not one Christian who hasn’t experienced what you did-an opportunity to witness and pray and we didn’t. It’s ok. Our God is a God of do overs. He fills in the gaps that we cannot or do not. Praise be to Him!
Gracie I was so touched reading this. Your openness, honesty and humbleness. That is how we learn and grow in Jesus. As said in other comments, we all have missed the mark more than once, but that is no surprise to our Father. Don’t be discouraged! You are learning and while you are doing that, you are helping us back here to evaluate our walk with Jesus and learn to do better too!! Oh how I know how you feel but good is going to come from it. Love you so much!!
Privilege. It’s truly a complex idea. We all have different understandings of the word based on our own experiences, but one thing that God has been continually showing me is that even the possibility that we could know Him is beyond any privilege. Su-Tee may not have the same upbringing as many of your American Christian friends, but the fact that God has shown himself to her is a testament to the fact that He is truly good. The fact that he has shown him self to us (Americans) is even more mind blowing to me personally. The idea that a God, who is everything we need, would show himself to a people who live as though they already have everything they need is astonishing. Yes, we are privileged and blessed beyond our deservedness, but God, in his great mercy, chooses to make himself known to us and that is truly the only reason that we have to take joy in. Without the Gospel, all else would be pointless.
I say all of this to encourage you (hopefully). I know it’s hard for us to wrap our minds around the kind of life that Su-Tee lives and the situation that she is in. But she has Christ and what more could she possibly need. Paul, in Philippians 3, says that “Indeed I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus.” I think that’s evident in the love that radiates from her. She now has all of the tools that she needs to be able to impact her family and community for Christ. We will be praying that she would be strengthened and encouraged to do so. And I’m praying that God will just continue to give you opportunities to love and encourage people!
Sorry for the sermon lol. Hopefully it was encouraging to you! Just to see the sheer joy that a person has when all they have is Christ. It’s okay to be convicted, but don’t get discouraged! Christ is using these times as teaching moments!
I’m so proud of you for recognizing God’s voice… and for being vulnerable and sharing that you didn’t follow through…except you did – your prayer for Su Tee is beautiful. I will be praying for her too. See you soon!
Gracie, God is not only using you to witness to those in Camboria, He’s using you to witness to me! This is a beautiful testimony of how God is teaching all of us daily! He’s still working on me, to make me what I it to be!! Just let God teach you , so that you can teach me!! Love you!!
Gracie, you are where you should be. God knew that you were going to meet up with Su Tee, maybe you met up with her for her to encourage you rather you encouraging her. Sometimes we need to listen, that just might have helped her more then you know. I love you and am praying for you!
My dear Gracie. I love your heart more and more all the time.
Remember, God’s redemptive work in Su-Tee and her family’s lives is not dependent on you. He so graciously allows us to play a part in bringing others to His throne and magnifying His love, but He is sufficient and sovereign in transforming her heart and her family’s lives. In your weakness, His grace is sufficient and His power is made perfect.
I imagine she was so encouraged to meet you. Praying for you continually, my friend. Thank you Jesus for Su-Tee and the gospel’s hold on her heart.
Your answer, and the timing of it, was perfect Gracie! You showed this young lady that you do not have all of your answers planned out and rehearsed. You considered her question and you showed her respect and humble honesty. God does have all the answers, we do not, and that is nothing to feel regretful or disappointed about. You are there to help people and teach people, but the one thing that you do without hesitation is love people freely and if you do nothing more on this journey, you are still serving God and blessing people in a mighty way! Love is very powerful and your generosity and abundance of love is one of your many special gifts.
You are continually in our prayers! ??
You are doing great! Lifting up your weakness to God just shows how strong He truly is! We tend to think that when we fail to do something that that’s it I’m done I can’t believe I messed up that one opportunity, but don’t worry God will give you another one and it may just be her again so don’t give up hope! Keep your eyes on Him who always watched out for you! Because His strength is made perfect in our weakness! Praying for you!
Gracie…God will give you other opportunities. I don’t think their is anyone that can say they haven’t done the same thing. Prayers for you continuing. Love you
Gracie, God is so proud of you. He knows you will try and fail, but that is how you grow, and we are all witness to your growth and devotion to the Lord. You are an example to all of us. Praying for you in your journey, and for SuTee and her family.
This moves my soul. Amazing perspective on what is important.
See you soon!!
Good job working through the growing process. We’ve all been where you are and will all continue to push forward, by God’s grace. Thanks for letting us know who to pray for. I am praising God for Su-Tee and the impact she can have not just on her family, but on her entire country. God is on the move and you have a front row seat…plus He is including you in the action. Enjoy!
Gracie at times we all fall short but I believe as someone else posted maybe the encouragement was for you and not her.. helping you in the trial of reaching a non-Christian.. we’re Praying daily and love you so much??????
Thanks for sharing your heart and being open. Keep that up. As God is teaching you along your journey, share it with us, then we’ll learn right along with you (hopefully). And trust me, we all need to stay open to God and what He is saying to us, no matter how long we’ve been following Christ. “Let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.” Matthew 5:16 and you’re doing just that! We love you and you’re in our prayers!
Definitely praying for Su-Tee and you for strength and boldness. Even Apostle Paul asked for prayer for boldness. If he needed prayer so do we.
Ephesians 6:18-20 Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints; 6:19 And for me, that utterance may be given unto me, that I may open my mouth boldly, to make known the mystery of the gospel, 6:20 For which I am an ambassador in bonds: that therein I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak.
1 John 4:19 We love him, because he first loved us.
(Romans 5:12)
Here’s something interesting.
http://www.learnthebible.org/agape-and-phileo.html
Gracie, you are mature far beyond your years. Nick and I are praying for you and have always thought you would do great things for God. Be patient, this is such a wonderful learning life lesson in your Christian walk. Our Heavenly Father knows your heart and will continue to make you stronger in your witness for him. You’ve only just begun. You have certainly been an inspiration in our lives.